Thursday, December 11, 2008

Is true 'happiness' even attainable?

It's true. I suck at life... err, I suck at my online life. I've neglected Facebook, LinkedIn, my blog, Brazen Careerist. And I probably don't even have a good reason for it.

The truth is, I sort of assumed that once I started working I would morph into some sort of super happy, super productive superhuman that would go to the gym, work 10+ hours, write a blog post, and Facebook/Digg/Tweet to my heart's content. We all know the people who DO pull it off (my friend Jess, for instance, already has sent out her Christmas cards). As you can probably guess, I have definitely not morphed into a superhuman.

The only things I've managed to do in the last couple of months are work those 10+ hour days, piss off my mom by not having time to call her, and convince my boyfriend that I have a brain tumor. I've learned a lot about how the world works, and none of it makes me too darn happy. I've learned that...
  • I suck at pretending I don't miss dancing. This has manifested in getting dumped by my co-author, and me waking up in the middle of the night during nightmares that involve ballet class and horrific, gory injuries.
  • Startups are incredibly fun and horribly frustrating all at the same time. I feel like I'm constantly on the verge of both laughing and punching my computer.
  • There comes a time in one's life when your parents don't understand a single aspect of your life anymore. It's liberating, but extremely depressing.
  • I can have the greatest living situation, the best boyfriend, the sweetest dog, and the cushiest checking account I ever thought I'd have... but it's not going to be enough. I'll always have that 'what if' in the back of your head.
It's not that I'm unhappy, it's just that I don't quite have very much figured out yet.

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